Cyn Is In

Have A Holly Jolly Christmas

2011-12-24T12:57:00.000-08:00

From me and two of my favorite people ~ who I am BLESSED to also call family!

Fashionista Tuesday

2011-12-20T09:55:00.001-08:00

I LOVE the sequin tank for the holidays. My love for the sequin tank has lasted for two seasons. Last year I bought a black one at Target that I continue to hold dear, and just last weekend, I scored a beautiful creamy~colored one at Bergner's.

Here is how I wear mine, and LOVE it!

First, the tank.

I'm not even adding a picture of jeans, because I would wear it with dark skinnies, just like she is. My favorite are Gap Always Skinny. And I LOVE the blingy bracelet. It's super fun and not over the top!

I would DEFINITELY layer it all with a great off white cardigan like this one from Old Navy!

And AWESOME reddish brown leather riding boots. Swoon, Coach has the best ones!

In cold, midwestern Illinois, I would top it off with a camel belted peacoat and a fun bright scarf! Festive yet WARM! :)

Christmas In Spite Of Chaos

2011-12-19T12:58:00.000-08:00

My husband decided to have approximately one half of our house plastered three weeks before Christmas. The job took two weeks, which means it was finished one week before Christmas. "Finished" means the four biggest traffic areas of our house still need to be painted one week before Christmas (plus the entryway, upstairs and down, which could count as one or two additional rooms, if one were inclined). Also, the rooms that are not being destroyed ~ I mean plastered ~ are filled with all the furniture from the rooms that ARE in upheaval ~ I mean renovation. And yes, there is now less than one week until Christmas.

And I am determined to keep the spirit high. So we have watched Christmas specials in rooms with plastic hanging and tarps on the floor. I decorated rooms that are currently unavailable. I baked cookies today while my husband and his friend Dave (thank you, Dave) painted around me. We baked M&M cookies, Monster Cookies, Peanut Butter Blossoms, and

these which are essentially Peanut Butter Blossoms, made with a sugar cookie base and Candy Cane Hershey's Kisses. If I ever post consistently enough for anyone to actually READ this and request a recipe, I can get it for you. I will tell you to wait until the cookies have cooled a bit to place the kiss on them, the Candy Cane version melts more quickly than the regular chocolate kisses do. Also, although they do look festive and adorable, they do not TASTE nearly as good as the Peanut Butter version.

We also made THESE which are just round pretzels with a Hershey's Kiss in the center, melted in the oven on a cookie sheet at 225 degrees for three minutes, pulled out and an M&M popped in the middle. Make sure you push them down far enough so that the chocolate touches the pretzel all over, because otherwise as they cool, they won't stick. They ARE super cute, and they were easy enough that the boys could do them on their own with supervision.

So there you have it. Thanks to plenty of wine and Pinterest, I am determined to make this a festive Holiday Season!

Random

2011-11-09T17:06:00.000-08:00

Here are some random thoughts that are lurking around in my brain as my boys watch YET ANOTHER superhero movie, which, incidentally makes me SO thankful that I am a girl (probably the way I wax poetic about Coach handbags makes them eternally grateful to be male).

1. I firmly believe that having a joyful heart is like holding a magical key to the universe. Smile and the world smiles with you, right? Especially now, with Thanksgiving rapidly approaching and hopefully leaving everyone feeling a little more reflective. It kinda seems like all I hear lately is a lot of complaining and negativity around me, and frankly, I am getting tired of it. If you aren't happy in your current situation, change it. And if you can't change it, change your attitude about it, because I promise you that EVERYONE around you is sick and tired of listening to you.

2. Yummiest dinner ever tonight. Damon made hummus and chopped a variety of veggies to go with it and then we made Pumpkin and Smoked Gouda Soup and grilled cheese with the gouda on YUMMY whole grain bread. It was deliciousness and it was even more fun because we hung out in the kitchen and made it together! I LOVE that the boys are FINALLY at an age where they can entertain themselves while we prepare dinner. I soooo missed that! It is fun to have that time back, but then again, I LOVE hanging out in the kitchen. (Totally lame SNL reference that I happen to find hilarious.)

3. I need new boots. Warm ones that will carry me through a chilly November Chicago weekend. Next weekend! Can't wait!

4. I am going to run tomorrow. I am going to run tomorrow. I am going to run tomorrow!

That's about it. But, hey, I blogged TWO days in a row. I am thrilled with my consistency.

Another Attempt.

2011-11-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

Here I am again. Sigh. I really feel like I should resume posting. Especially when I look at the picture I have as my profile here on Blogger and it shows Connor at about 2.5 years old. He is nearly 7 now. Cole is almost 4. It is hard for me to believe. We are over here making CRAZY good memories and I am not effectively capturing ANY of them. Guilt.

Besides, I am NEEDING an outlet. Besides Facebook. And Pinterest. May I tell you what I FIRMLY believe will be the eventual effects of Pinterest? A lot of creative people. And a LOT of overweight people! Those recipes. Ayiyi!

And I know that I have mentioned the boys have birthdays soon. So do I. In less than a week, actually. I will be 38. I am cool with it, I actually feel like I am kind of rocking my late thirties. I finally believe my mom when she says that life begins at 40. Of course she HAD me at 40, so that might have something to do with it. :)

So here is my self-prescription for the LONG winter ahead (because winter and I are NOT the best of friends: Yoga. Lots of yoga. Wine. Lots of wine. As few carbs as possible, with help from The South Beach Diet. Running, when it's not so cold that I freeze my booty off. FUN with family and friends. If I am a good little blogger, I will document bits of ALL of that goodness here. When I'm not too busy on Facebook and Pinterest. :)

See you next time!

Not much has changed, really.

2011-06-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

I still love to run.
I continue the struggle to lose ten pounds while pounding the pavement three times a week and eating decently. But maybe I am beginning to realize that it could be a whole lot worse.
We planted our garden again this year, so yet again there will be posts about our bounty of veggies.
I still love New Orleans more than any place in the world, in fact, we love it so much, that we are in the very beginning stages of a plan to relocate... in a LONG, LONG time.
I am still amazed by my sons ~ two darling, wake up in the morning smiling, sparkly, FUN little boys who are growing so fast that I can hardly stand it.
I still own my shop and it continues to thrive. We have plans in the works for a slight remodel for the fall, even, and LOTS of changes lie ahead for Castaways.

In fact, I am left wondering.... In the years I have been posting this blog, how have I CHANGED? Have I become a mommy zombie who spends every waking hour changing diapers, wiping spills, being a short order cook, cleaning the house, and lolling about on Facebook when I get thirty seconds to spend doing something else? (I promise, I only feel this way on the bad days!)

I just want to experience excitement. Adventure. I want to grow and change WHILE continuing to do all the things above, because obviously I do adore ALL of them. I just want to jump of the edge of the plateau that I've been on for just about forever and add a little bit of something new into the mix. Is that too much to ask?

Wow, there went another year...

2011-06-08T13:49:00.001-07:00

I was talking to my darling husband this morning and we got on a tangent about Facebook and how much I update my status. He asked me why I don't blog anymore, and as usually happens in the summer when I actually sometimes have five seconds to relax, I thought that resuming my blog seemed to be a good idea.

And then... I went to my blog and realized that yet again another year has gone by and that I haven't posted anything really significant since Cole was six month old.

And... I also realized that if I am truly honest with myself about the amount of time I spend on Facebook updating all of those statuses, I could be here really WRITING (which I love) and even better, I could be recording all the memories that I'm missing!

So here goes ~ either the yearly promise to restart my sorely neglected blog that will fall by the wayside within a week ~ or a rebirth of a great therapeutic and creative outlet for me. We'll see. I wouldn't hold your breath!

Congrats, Connor!

2010-05-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

No more Pre K
Kingergarten is on the way.

:(

Sweet New Ride

2010-05-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

You may have seen my fairly recent Facebook post about selling my soul to the mini van devil. I did, recently, and I must confess, I have grown to enjoy nearly all of its creature comforts.

However, there is a sporty, wind blowing through my hair side of me that I thought was lost forever.

No longer. Enter Vivienne.

There is the part of me that has been missing. She will be mine by the end of the week. Now I just have to learn to drive a stick shift.

P.S. (And not at all relevant to the above post). Thank you to my darling husband for spilling coffee all over the keyboard. The space bar does not work, nor does the enter key or the backspace. Lovely. I retreated up to the bedroom to edit and complete this entry, which I'm sure will be life altering for many. (Okay, maybe only me.)

Oh. Em. Gee.

2010-05-18T11:12:00.001-07:00

It is not possible that I haven't blogged in well over a year. Well, wait. I guess it is. Time has really flown, I guess, because somehow I have an ornery yet completely loving 2 year old and a 5 year old ray of SUNSHINE who is missing his bottom two front teeth!

Here is how we've spent our last week:

Yep, that's right. No more tonsils for Coley and no more sleep for anyone else in the house. Better days lie ahead, I'm sure.

Ah, Fall.

2008-10-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm DOOMED!

2008-09-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Two boys with big blue eyes fringed with thick eyelashes? TWO boys who already seem to know how to use those big blues to their advantage? Yup. Mom is a sucker. Cripes... What a road I have ahead of me.

My attempt at frugality

2008-09-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

I like to spend money. Damon likes to spend money. Neither one of us is fantastic at SAVING money, however. When I hear my friends telling me how either they or their husbands are the frugal ones in their family, I'm a little envious that, even though it usually presents an argument, at least SOMEONE under their roof is concerned about money beyond what fun thing to buy next.

However, as we have expanded our family and I have learned from owning my shop, not to mention the current state of things financially, I think that I am slowly becoming the frugal one in our family.

I'm trying to learn how to budget. I'm attempting at clipping coupons and making my grocery list with the grocery sale circular in front of me (and after doing a pantry check). I'm really trying. But I feel like I'm still not getting very far very fast.

And, oh. Did I mention? That for every dollar I save, I think Damon spends five? I really need to get him on this bandwagon with me.

Any suggestions? Websites? Ways to get Damon on board?

As promised, yet in no particular order...

2008-08-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

RUNNING!
Wendy and I ran two 5Ks last week. The Maui Jim Maka Maka (actually only a 3 mile race) and the Lacon Old Settler's Days 5K. Both were decent times for me, but I ran the Maka Maka in under ten minutes a mile! That was a HUGE goal for me, and now I'm totally motivated and REALLY want to improve my time by the end of the year. I'd love to finish my next 5K in under 30 minutes. I feel like with the cooler, less humid weather coming, I ought to be able to do it. I'm also planning to be a little LIGHTER, so that might help. We'll see.

Oh, and Connor did the Tot Trot in Lacon. See his medal?

CANNING!
We spent the entire weekend in the kitchen, just about. We have this amazing bounty in our garden, and our neighbors moved away and left us some things out of THEIR garden, so we had a lot. Even after giving tons of it to anyone who asked (and some who didn't), we still had more than we could possibly eat. So we took up canning. We canned tomatoes. We made salsa. We canned potatoes with dill. Did you know you could can potatoes? I never really thought about it, but I plan to pull them out one evening, heat them up, add milk and butter, and.... EASY!!! We canned okra. (NOT excited. I only like okra if it's fried.) We pickled brussels sprouts. (Again, EWWW! I don't so much like brussels sprouts and I must confess - although I haven't told Damon - that pickling kind of freaks me out. I don't even really like PICKLES if I really think about it!) Anyway, the canning was fun, but if I have to peel, seed, or core ANYTHING today, I will lose my mind!

SUNFLOWERS!
I have the sweetest boy! I'll save the school stories for the next post. Just so you have something to look forward to.

Mmmmmm....

2008-08-23T20:02:00.001-07:00

Even though we are up to our arses in fresh tomatoes, green peppers, potatoes, and cukes from our own garden, I simply cannot resist the siren call of the roadside produce stand. (Can I just say how much I love the small stands that operate on the honor system? There is something so simple and all is well with the world about that.) We had to stop today on the way home from my SECOND 5K in the past three days and pick up fresh sweet corn and zucchini from this sweet little stand, about four miles from our house.

To come: Race pictures and stories (my best time ever!), first week of school memories, pictures of Connor playing in the sunflowers at the produce stand, and a SLEW of pictures from our weekend project: CANNING!

Howevah: All this RUNNING and CANNING has made me TIRED. So. To bed for me and I'll share all the fun another day!

Some Things I Love Right Now

2008-08-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

1. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. Read this. It will only take a couple of hours and it is SO worth it for what you will take with you. What a brilliant, wonderful, interesting teacher Mr. Pausch was and so sad he was here so briefly when he had so much to give the world. I have been thinking about this book almost constantly since I picked it up. It was wonderful.

2. Tomatoes! In any way, shape or form, since right now we're getting over 20 new ripe ones a day from our garden. We've had salsa, ricotta stuffed baked tomatoes, sliced tomatoes, mozzerella tomato salad, and LOTS of BLTs!

3. The 2008 Olympics are a huge hit at our house, particularly the swimming, diving, and gymnastics. I LOVE Michael Phelps' facial expressions, although I must be getting old, because I find myself wanting to tell him to pull up his pants. I don't know how they stay up when he dives in the water!

4. This little guy starts preschool tomorrow. Oh me, oh my. That makes me so sad. And happy some days, if I may be completely honest. But mostly, it makes me feel like, where did the time go? Preschool is five mornings a week and the biggest part? Connor gets to take the BUS home! He is beside himself with excitement. This is going to be a great experience for him, so I am trying to stay strong and positive not be a big sobbing mess. You can bet I will be sharing pictures of that first bus ride!

5. Oh, my sweet roly poly Coley. As soon as this little guy started moving, all was right with the world. He just craved MOTION! He crawls like a crazy man, he waves, he claps, he jabbers, he giggles! And he pulls himself up on anything he can. Goodness, me, Coley. Slow DOWN. For sure he'll be walking in the next month. It goes so fast. Too fast.

An Ode To My Bra

2008-08-05T16:42:00.000-07:00

It is very rare that an article of clothing could inspire me to write a sonnet. Or break out in a dance of sheer joy. But this bra can do it:

I bought it today, came home and tried it on, and I'm telling you, I looked in the mirror and it looked like I had lost ten pounds! I wear a strange size bra (little band size, large cup size), so I have a hard time finding a decent fit. I had neglected the girls for far too long, and now they are rejoicing in all their (finally) perky glory! I feel so much better!

The bra looked even cuter with this plain and simple, classic, ridiculously inexpensive tee from Target that I got today:

I love Target because I can claim to be going there for neccessities like diapers, baby food, and school supplies, and the above tee shirt can sneak it's way into the cart (its $8.99, totally unnoticeable!) as can these cuties:

I mean, really. Who would know? The cost of diapering a baby has really gone up these days!

See where Connor and Coley get their good looks?

2008-07-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

On a lighter note, I had to include this one. It is crazy how much I can see of both Connor and Coley in this picture. And I can't believe I'm not smiling. I am a HUGE ham, as those of you who know me already know. Someone must have caught me off guard.

Family Photo

2008-07-29T08:42:00.001-07:00

This one is of my dad and my grandma in August of 1955. So daddy was twenty-one and grandma was about 42. I love this picture of them, although it didn't scan all that well. It shows exactly how handsome my daddy is and it is really one of the few pictures I am able to find of the two of them together. Looking at it makes me yearn to speak to one or the other of them. Or better yet both. Sigh.

This boy brings me SUCH joy!

2008-07-24T12:15:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I have to ask myself how it is possible that I could love a person THIS much. He is the coolest person I know, and he's only three. He has a laugh that is COMPLETELY infectious, so much so, that sometimes it is hard to be mad at him, even when he truly deserves it. He has the LONGEST eyelashes. They look like false lashes and they're BLACK when the rest of his coloring is so fair. His eyes sparkle and he has the very best smile ever. He loves to read and watch the firefighters - we're lucky because the fire station is right across the street and the firefighters adore their little fan! He enjoys doing "projects", Mc Donald's, Dora, WallE, and hanging out with mom. He is completely into his brother - he runs to him first thing in the morning. He loves music and dancing - he truly does have more spirit than anyone I know. I am amazed by him.

Perfect Summer Afternoon Snack

2008-07-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

It's hot around here. And because we've been on the go doing lots of fun things all summer, I vowed that today we would sit around and do nothing, just me, Connor, and Cole.

So we watched a lot of Dora, I did a ton of laundry, we vacuumed, and we cooled off in the wading pool and under the sprinkler.

Still, we were starting to get pretty irritated with each other. So I turned to this Pioneer Woman decadent, kid friendly peanut butter marshmallowy concoction. I'm pretty sure it made Connor's day. I liked it a lot too (although I'd prefer at this point to chase them with a couple of glasses of wine).

Sylas just left.

2008-07-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

The house is quiet. Peaceful, even. There are no strange smells. There is no noise being made for the sole purpose of making noise. I can actually log on to my own computer. I haven't tripped over anything lying in the middle of the floor.

It's pretty boring around here, actually.

Coley: A Study In Motion.

2008-07-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

We went to the local orchard today. It's tremendously busy later in the season, but there isn't much to be found yet. Still, the playground is the best around and Connor and Sylas were completely entertained. So Coley and I found a spot under a shade tree something like the one right here on my blog. We watched the clouds, the windmills, and the sun peeking through the trees. Pretty soon Sylas got bored playing and joined us under the tree. He and I had the best talk about high school and driving, and all the big things that are in store for him. The kind of talk that is real and from the heart, with no eye rolling or annoying comments or sarcasm from either party. It was really enjoyable. And then Coley decided that he would like to have my camera. The moments that followed went something like this.

And then we giggled,wiped off my camera, drank some apple cider, and came home.

It really isn't my season.

2008-07-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

I can't quite get on board with summer. I adored it in high school. The tanning, the volleyball, the swimming, the long, late nights, the heat and the next to nothingness of the clothes that I wore in it.

Now we live in a house built in 1836. The air conditioner works, sort of. Some rooms are cool, others not so much. And I haven't been swimming all summer. I'm not sure how I feel about bathing suits since I've been a mother. Oh, wait. I AM sure how I feel about bathing suits. I abhor and despise them. Or maybe my issue isn't with the bathing suits. It COULD possibly be me. Late nights? Ha! I'm asleep by 9:30.

So, I have yet to be IN or NEAR a body of water this summer, which is pretty much the only redeeming part ABOUT summer, in my opinion. I have been completely landlocked. I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

I'm trying to find things I like about summer now that I am a grown up.

I LOVE my garden. So far we've enjoyed tomatoes, green peppers, hot peppers, green beans and sugar snap peas. I'm making my first spaghetti squash tonight. The eggplant, cucumber, and okra are about to produce. It's our first year planting a garden (it was a joint project with my mom) and it does feel so productive. So now one of the things summer means to me is delicious fresh veggies.

I make time to play more in the summer. Some sort of veil falls away and I become the kind of mom who will fill dozens of water balloons, paint rocks, or pack a picnic. We've gone to all the local outside attractions. I haven't wasted a single moment.

I LOVE to cook in the summer. But wait. I love to cook all the time, so maybe that doesn't count. There is something so simple and rewarding about marinading and grilling some meat and serving it up with sides made from the garden. And it's about a million times easier to cook in the summer.

I LOVE fresh suntea. No sugar or lemon for me. Just ice cold and made within the last 48 hours.

I LOVE lazy, giggly nights out drinking Blue Moons and wine and eating amazing fresh seafood on the deck of the Oyster Bar with my friends, overlooking the river (so I guess for a few hours on Saturday I didn't feel landlocked).

I can't wait for fall, make no mistake. I stepped into a local boutique yesterday to get Connor a pair of Crocs, and they were getting out their fall merchandise. Pumpkin candles, candy corn garland.... They apologized, kind of, for retail being the way it is and things coming out so early, and I was like, "No! Bring it ON!" That has never bothered me about retail, I always love the anticipation for the next season.

And now I hear the pitter patter of three year old feet! I'm off to enjoy another day of summer. Any fun ideas for us for the days to come?

Sweet Victory!

2008-07-14T17:32:00.001-07:00

Dawn, Wendy, me, and Sylas after the Firecracker 2008. We are the champions, my friend.

My diet mirrors my life.....

2008-07-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

It's true. I always use the expression "I have too much on my plate". Sometimes I mean it literally, like yesterday. Did I really need ALL of that guacamole? And I could have eaten, oh, about 20 less tortilla chips. But more often than not I mean that I have taken on too much. In the last few years, really since dad died, I find that my LIFE in general just takes a lot more energy. First off, we keep having more kids. THAT takes a lot out of me. And my mom lives so close, she's over almost all of the time. I love her, but... I spend an awful lot of time with her. Which is a mixed blessing. It really makes me sad to think about it, so I'm going to move on to the next item. I keep getting involved in different social groups, committees, and organizations, and my life is so crazy that I can give about 13% to each of them.

So, I'm done. I vow from this moment forward to only spend time with people I enjoy. Aside from my family. (Just kidding!) No more organizations and groups, that honestly contribute very little to my life. Only play dates with people I ADORE, like Stephie and Gabe or Shamra and Rachel. And only friend time with the people who REALLY matter. Those are the times that are always so precious anyway.

Aaaahhhh. I feel better already!

Snippets of Cute - Coley Edition

2008-07-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, admittedly not so cute of ME, but could you not just eat Cole UP?

Snippets of Cute - Connor Edition

2008-07-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

Pretentious Dip

2008-07-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Secret Chef Bill More of Peoria and decadently delicious! And not so prententious when paired with

French Herb Dip

1 quart plain yogurt (nonfat is okay)
1 clove minced garlic
1 minced green onion
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
1 tablespoon fresh tarragon
1 tablespoon fresh basil
1 tablespoon fresh oregano
1 tablespoon fresh parsley

Serves 25-30, 1 3/4 cups

Tangy! First you make yogurt cheese, then you use that to make the dip. A great opportunity to put your herb garden to use, though you can substiture smaller amounts of dried herbs if you prefer.

1. Make yogurt cheese. Place a sieve or large funnel lined with a coffee filter over a bowl, pour yogurt into the sieve, and let sit in the refrigerator between 24 and 36 hourst until liquid drains from the yogurt, leaving a soft, cheesy texture.
2. Mix the yogurt cheese with the remaining indgredients.
3. Store in the refrigerator.

This is SO good! I tasted it at an open house, snatched the recipe and made it last night. I loved it again, although I will tell you that my dearly beloved was not as impressed by it's lemony goodness. So, I guess if you aren't into tangy delight, proceed with caution, if at all.

Family Photo Tuesday

2008-07-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Isn't this the coolest picture? It's of my grandma, Hazel, and her sister, Sylvia. My grandma is the one with the shorter hair. Y'know how sometimes when you're looking at pictures of someone when they were little, it almost doesn't look like them? My grandma is completely recognizable. She always looked pretty much the same. I can look at her classroom pictures and spot her in the crowd every time. She always looked kind of ornery. My guess is that this picture was taken around 1920 or so. My grandma said her mom rolled their hair up in rags to get those curls. She said it hurt like the dickens. I don't know why her hair was so short. She said her dad, who was a barber, always made her cut her hair shorter than Sylvia. If I were her, I would have been mad. I still think she was cuter than Sylvia.

This is me

2008-07-07T19:03:00.001-07:00

It's been a long day at my house.

An Ode to Glenda

2008-07-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to talk about my friend Glenda.

Oh, how I love Glenda! I knew that I loved her the day she and her husband, Steve, came in to my shop and told me they were considering purchasing the shop next door. I loved her because she was loud (very, but in a totally fun way), HILARIOUS, and opinionated. And I could tell all this within about a minute of meeting her.

So, Glenda ended up buying that shop and we became the best of friends. On slow afternoons at work, she would bring a bottle of wine, and she'd come over to my shop, we'd crack it open and drink the afternoon away. After awhile, neither one of us cared that we didn't have any customers.

I also discovered that I went to high school with Glenda's KIDS, which was a little weird to me. Her daughter was a cheerleader with me, a senior when I was a freshman. I remember being very intimidated by her, which is so funny to me now, because she and I too are now really good friends.

I have no pictures of Glenda. Oh. Wait. Maybe I do.

There. The first one is of Glenda and my mom on our trip to Geneva after one too many Bloody Marys, which was actually ONE Bloody Mary. The second is of me and the intimidating cheerleader after one too many charges on the credit card and a trunkful of schtuff to show for it.

Glenda's favorite place in the world is Charleston, South Carolina. She's a great cook. She and her husband have a GREAT, if quirky, love story. She has an amazing family. She will tell you how it is, even if you don't want to hear it. She LOVES a great glass of wine. She is a good cook. She has the fullest social calendar of anyone I know, and she wouldn't change that for the world. And my family gets to spend the Fourth with her and her lovely family. After we run the Firecracker, we're off to the parade and then we get to go spend time with Glenda and eat her yummy food and drink her yummy Charleston wine. I love her ever so!

What is it with boys and the remote? (and other observations)

2008-07-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

How, at just short of seven months of age, does Cole ALREADY feel the need to be the one holding the remote? I placed it about five feet in front of him yesterday and he did his first official crawl to it. And he was fast too. No one was going to beat him to that remote if he could help it. No sir.
I think Mc Donald's could possibly control the world with this whole Iced Coffee moment they're having. It's, like, HALF the price of Starbucks. My one concern was that it would be fattening, but they offer skim milk and sugar free syrup upon request. And honestly? Their coffee is really, really good. The only corner of the coffee drinking market that they will NEVER conquer is atmosphere. It's only a drive through option. For a morning with your girlfriends, you're still going to pick the local coffee shop. Or the 'bucks.
Another thing I love love love right now - and become addicted to every summer - is Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chips. Oh, yummy goodness, no wonder I can't lose any weight!
We got in the family truckster over the weekend, dropped about three hundred dollars in gasoline, and headed for Indianapolis. We were talking about going to my beloved Chicago, or possibly St. Louis, but we thought we'd try something new. It's nice to have three large cities within a four hour radius. And Indianapolis was fun, especially Conner Prairie, the zoo, and the Children's Museum. And they also had this really fun bowling alley with a Chuck E Cheese like video game room, good food - deep fried green beans - so bad for you, but really delicious - again, no wonder I haven't lost any weight - and BEER! The best of both worlds for the whole family! Still, overall, I would go back to Chicago. There's just something about that city. It's still second in my heart to NOLA, but there is something magical about the place, if you ask me. Which you didn't. But still.
Sylas and I are running The Firecracker tomorrow. Running with him has been a mixed bag. He begs me to wake him to run, and then complains the whole time we're out. I'm sure that's typical teenage stuff. I just know how proud he'll be tomorrow when he's finished the race. Oh, and did I mention that you wind up at Kelleher's Pub after the race? And that they feed you breakfast AND serve up some bevvies? The drinks after running never fail to impress me. Really, beer makes me happy pretty much ANY time, but after finishing a race, you really feel like you deserve it! Maybe I have finally uncovered the true reason why I run! :)
I never ever ever want Connor to turn 14. It's such a strange age, not quite a kid, but not really teenager yet either. It's kind of a limbo age really. And it seems to me like Connor will always be a toddler. Yet I know when he gets on that bus and goes to preschool this fall, it's all gonna go so fast. He'll be 14 before I know it. And when he's 14, I'll be forty-nevermind. Let's talk about something else.
I LOVE watching my baby boys together. All that time I spent stressing about Connor not being the only one anymore and how that was going to tear his world apart, I didn't realize how much he would LOVE his brother. And he has. He started kissing on him the moment he met him, and he's never really stopped. Sometimes his version of playing with Coley gets a little rough, but more often than not, when I look over and get ready to say something about him leaving Cole alone, Cole has the biggest, happiest most LOVING grin on his face, that I smile and let them play. It is cute beyond WORDS, I tell you.

And I'll leave you with that. Because it makes me happy.

Prayer of Thanks

2008-06-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you, God.

For:

little boys
rainy days
morning coffee
friends who work at Starbucks and bring you yummy coffee when they come visit (which is not often enough)

Life is good.

What we get excited about at my house.

2008-06-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

Poop. Yep, you read that right. "Mom, I have to go poop!" can make me come running faster than a 50% off summer shoe sale or fresh guacamole and margaritas.

And then, once the deed is done, Connor says, "Don't flush it mommy. I want MaMaw to see it." Nice. That's a slice of life at my house these days.

And a little side bar. Or post script. Or whatev. As I was typing this, Connor was sneezing, and I was distracted so I didn't say anything in what he deemed an appropriately speedy manner, apparently. So he said, in a very loud and irritated way, "BLESS ME." Geeze. :)

Loungin' on a blanket on a Monday afternoon.....

2008-06-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed?

2008-06-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

I have made a resolution to myself to blog again on a regular basis. Here are a few of the reasons why.

1. I need to get to the bottom of this weight loss mystery. I grow my own veggies, shop religiously at the Farmer's Market, vow daily to eat fresh and local and yet in the evening (like, say, YESTERDAY) when I find myself at the southern bbq joint, I opt for choices like the PULLED PORK HORSESHOE which is a lovely concoction of Texas Toast covered in pulled pork, bbq sauce, french fries, and melted CHEESE. I DID only eat half and I did the chew each bite about 84,000 times thing, so I feel marginally better about ordering such crizzap. But still. Why do I do it? Grrrrr....

2. Suddenly in my almost mid 30's (which, really, how did THAT happen???)I have found myself with a somewhat athletic side. Like, the running thing. And now I have this weird complusion to start taking tennis lessons of all things. I feel I should blog about this stuff because it feels so out of character, yet I LOVE how it makes me feel to be involved in sports. I am so much more a sports girl than a gym girl. Again, weird, I know.

3. Have you seen how cute my kids are?

Lest you had forgotten?

4. I feel like I need to chronicle my recipes, the songs and books I love, and everything else that makes me who I am.

5. Honestly, I forgot how much I love to write.

Chicken Salad

2008-06-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you Hungry Girl for this DELICIOUS Chicken Salad recipe. I make it every week. It is amazing and a total staple at my house!

Ingredients:

1 cup cooked and roughly chopped skinless lean chicken breast

1/2 cup cucumber (Kirby or Persian if you can find 'em!)

1/3 cup red seedless grapes, halved

1/3 cup chopped apple

1/4 cup plain fat free yogurt

2 tbsp fat free mayonnaise

1 packet of Splenda

1/4 tsp lemon pepper seasoning

dash salt

Directions:

Mix together the yogurt, mayo, sweetner, lemon pepper seasoning, and salt. Coat the chicken in this mixture, and then stir in the chopped cukes, grapes, and apple. That's it! I roll it up in a wrap with some lettuce, and if I'm feeling saucy, a slice of cheddar cheese. So yummy, I'm telling you!

Connor's version of Heaven

2008-06-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

We picked strawberries!

2008-06-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

We set out on a mission. Sylas was on the search for the perfect strawberry. Plump, perfectly ripe, and oh so very juicy! Dot wanted to get some lovely Vitamin D and enjoy an afternoon with her grandsons. I wanted to capture the moment on film. Coley was cozy in his Baby Bjorn. He SO enjoyed the day. Connor's goal? To eat his weight in strawberries. All missions were accomplished and our bounty was delicious as you can see in the last photo. Those plump juicy morsels ended up in a yummy dessert concoction that we can't stop devouring! What a perfect day.

Indeed I do.

2008-06-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

Slow morning mover....

2008-06-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

I need about an hour to myself at the beginning of the day. Unfortunately, unless I am prepared to get up at 5:00 AM (and I'm not), that isn't going to happen.

I need to leisurely sip coffee and peruse the internet. Or sit outside on the green porch and contemplate my day. I do NOT need to pick up the 84,000 (seemingly) tumblers and Diet Coke cans lying around on various surfaces. (How does one 14 year old go through SO many beverages?) And then cook waffles, fill sippy cups, give a baby a bottle, change a diaper, change another diaper, FINALLY pour myself a cup of coffee, empty the dishwasher, pick up some random toys, and then sit down at the computer. Oh wait. Another diaper.

This, my friends, is why I don't blog like I used to.

I am a nervous wreck.

2008-06-14T03:39:00.000-07:00

My big race, The Steamboat Classic is today. I do not feel the confidence or the deep attachment for running that I was feeling when I blogged before the Washington Cherry Festival 5K. I am a trainwreck. Nervous stomach, no self confidence, sinus problems so BIG bags under my eyes. Ugh. I hope it goes well.

Thank GOODNESS Timmy is coming over to hang with me tonight!

Bloggedy Prayer

2008-06-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

So, God.

Please let me be a patient, fun step mom to Sylas this summer. Give me strength not to lose it when things get to be too much. Help to keep me from freaking out when the messes get too big or the fun gets too loud. Please allow me to help Sylas see that we are a family and he is a part of it.

I know that Sylas really needs this summer. Help me to make the best of it.

Still struggling with my weight.

2008-06-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

I just don't seem to be having much luck. I will, without fail. do great all week long and then screw it up on the weekends. Which makes me so MAD, because screwing up NOW is not anywhere close to my version of screwing up before. Like, if I get an omelette, I get it made with egg beaters, light on the cheese, and I skip the accompanying hash browns. And when we splurge for dinner, we go for sushi. Friday night we even went to a local tavern known for it's fried chicken and tenderloins and I got a GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD!

Admittedly, I could be adding an extra day of running and, if I wanted to get crazy, another day of some sort of exercise into my routine. And for all of my healthy eating ideas, I could be putting a couple of them into practice. Still, even at this rate, I would normally be losing at a rate of 1-3 pounds a week. And now after my intital three pound loss, the scale has moved down an additional three pounds - and then back up - depending on the day. Yet I am not ready to give up this battle. In spite of the fact that everyone around me is telling me that I look great - it is always followed up by "for having two kids" or "for just having a baby". I want to look the same sort of great I did BEFORE I had kids. I don't want to have a pooch for a belly or legs that jiggle even though they are capable of running four miles. I guess even though my official reason for this health kick is to be a good role model for my kids, my secret reason is a bit more selfish. I want to look hot! I want to be able to wear cute little sundresses, short shorts, and bathing suits. I do NOT want to be a frumpy mom.

I feel like I need to make a couple of healthy vows to ensure that I show some progress in the coming weeks. Maybe I need to continue this throughout my journey. So.

As of today, no soda of any kind for two weeks. That means after June 24.
At least four days of exercise per week. Preferably in the form of two 2 mile runs, a 3-4 mile run, and a long bike ride. But if it gets super hot, I can cut out one run and replace it with a bike ride.
And I will journal my food points even if I know they are running over!

I'll keep y'all posted...

Everyone is a winner!

2008-06-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

Here I am with my friend Wendy and our new running group friend, Christy, after finishing the Washington Cherry Festival 5K!

Let me get the stats out of the way, because they only matter to me, but I want to remember them.

I finished with a time of 31:37.
That works out to about 10:12 per mile.
I ran my first 5K ever with a finishing time of 32:54.
My goal for this race was to beat that time.
I did it!
My next goal is to beat my last Steamboat Classic time which was 4 miles in 42:something. I hope I can do it - I'm having a heck of a time running in this heat!
I FELL at our last group run. Typical graceful Cyn. I laid it out in the most lovely, graceful way, as usual. Don't worry. No bloodshed. Just mortification.
I need a new running goal, because after Steamboat was over I fell off the wagon the last time I was into running! St. Jude? I will have to think about this.

Don't you wish you were this carefree?

2008-06-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

My first 5K of the year....

2008-05-31T03:48:00.000-07:00

...is about to be under my belt, assuming I finish! Even at this very moment - 5:49 AM to be exact - these things require you to wake up RIDICULOUSLY early - I can't believe that I RUN. Who would have thought it? Not me! But I think I love it because you can change it up however you want. You can run alone with just your music and nature to guide you. You can run with a friend and chat and giggle (as long as you can find the reserves within you to SPEAK). You can pick where you want to run. You can even run inside on a treadmill. You can also run as little or as much as you'd like - I'm comfortable with anywhere between 2 - 4 miles. We were cracking up in our running group the other night about how now we consider 2 miles to be a "light run". We have come a long way! That's the final great thing about running. Great results in a little chunk of time. Forty minutes or so for a FANTASTIC workout, but you can spend as little as twenty to do a couple of miles. You can hardly even find an excuse not to have TWENTY minutes a few times a week to dedicate to yourself.

So off I go to run my first 5K since my last bout of running. I am as usual a little butterflyish, but hopefully the adreneline works in my favor and allows me a little extra speed. Wish me luck!

This place makes me happy!

2008-05-29T05:11:00.000-07:00

I don't think my intense love for the Rhythm Kitchen in Peoria will ever fade. A perfect evening with Damon? Chips and Salsa and Dessert there along with some vino and a good band to listen to! A perfect evening with a girlfriend? A four mile run and then a jaunt to the Rhythm Kitchen for some chips and salsa and Ginger Garlic Chicken, Red Beans and Rice, and fresh veggies. A perfect Saturday morning? A stroll through the Riverfront Market to pick up all of our locally grown produce and bakery stuff for the week and then, yep, BREAKFAST and decadently yummy coffee at my beloved Rhythm Kitchen.

There's no where else like it in Peoria. The food is FRESH beyond fresh - we have sat and watched them prepare the SALSA before we chowed it down - the kitchen is wide open and the owner, Shelly, is usually back there preparing the food her veryownself - the music is good and the atmosphere is even better - and if you are lucky enough to get Stephanie as your waitress, you're in for a good night, because she is really fantastic at her job! Yum! I just enjoyed a dinner there last night (if you haven't noticed) and I'm already looking to the first Riverfront Market of the season so I can go have it again!

My Hero

2008-05-27T11:26:00.001-07:00

Losing this excess baggage!

2008-05-22T05:28:00.000-07:00

I am so irritated. I must be the only person in the world who can run 2-4 miles 3 times a week and not lose a dingle dangle POUND. Seriously. I have been working out consistently since I went back to work after having Coley - which makes about FOUR MONTHS of working out - not too shabby, right? Wouldn't you think I would have at least a POUND of weight loss to show for all that? You would be wrong.

So, last week I started Weight Watchers. Again. As much as the program really does work for me, after having a bit of freedom, I really DREAD the Points thing. But I am here to tell you - in one week, I lost three pounds! So it DOES work. Unfortunately I still have 22 to go. Really only 12 to get to what I weighed when I got pregnant with Cole, but 10 more would be nice. Yesterday was the easiest day back on the program so far, thanks to the DARLING Hungry Girl! I love the site, and last night a friend of mine told me she writes like I do, which was a great compliment, because that is one of my favorite things about her!

And as for the running, I have my first 5K in a little over a WEEK! I'm ready, we've been running 4 miles at least once a week, so 3 miles is a drop in the bucket. I'm going to try to run it fast (for me). We'll see how it goes!

So, anyway. The point in all this is that I want to take it all seriously and set a good example for myself and my family. I want to be active and involved and have TONS of energy. I want to take my kids on bike rides and feed them good stuff for dinner. Maybe if I get some of it out here it will help me in my journey!

Stop and smell the lilacs

2008-05-19T05:51:00.001-07:00

We are enjoying the last of the lilac blooms around here. Damon picked me a bouquet last night and the scent filling the room is nothing short of delightful. Hands down, one of the best smells ever. But they SO remind me of my daddy...

Some Cute For You

2008-05-15T10:46:00.001-07:00

So, how cheesy are these boys? We do a LOT of smiling around here!

So, I'm thinking....

2008-05-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

Now that I've been posting on the food blog, maybe I should post more here.

So here's the scoop around here lately:

1. I am running again, a lot (for me!). I did four miles last night. Can I just say how good it makes me feel?

2. The shop is doing great. I can't even believe how well, honestly.

3. Coley is a great baby, and I love him more than my luggage, but BOY! Is he FUSSY! He is home today feeling crummy (teething, I think), and he is simply inconsolable at times. Oy.

4. I am back on Weight Watchers because in spite of all my running. I am fat. Not to be confused with phat.

5. Connor is great, about to officially make the big boy transition to being potty trained. A couple more weeks should do it.

6. I need a nap. More another day!

Random Thoughts For Jocelyn

2008-02-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

I'm so bad at keeping up with my blog that I'm pretty sure Joc is the only reader I have left, so no worries. :) I thought this would be a fun way to communicate some of my thoughts and then have them to remember later.

Connor and Coley are both napping and my house is SO quiet. I know I'm operating on borrowed time - Connor has been asleep for nearly two and a half hours. He napped so poorly this weekend and slept so badly last night, though, that I feel like he really needs this extrasuperlong nap. And Cole has also been sleeping for a suprisingly long time. When they wake up - and one won't wake without the other on his heels - my house will resume it's normal crazy state, but right now? Blissful, uninterrupted quiet. And yes, I SHOULD be doing a million other things. But this just feels so very relaxing to me.
I started reading Eat, Pray, Love. And I too am just in LOVE with Elizabeth Gilbert's writing style. Normally, I'm a pretty big skimmer, but with her I find myself devouring every word. And I totally want to hang out with her! I love how she sees her own faults (like that she's very needy) and I love how casually she writes - like the stuff about loving the dark, Italian eyes. It makes me feel like I'm her best friend!
I am so looking forward to my New Orleans trip this weekend! Sometimes for me, however, the anticipation of a vacation is MUCH better than the actual trip. So I'm fearing that something may go wrong. It's unlikely, though. I haven't spent an entire evening with Timmy and KC in nearly a year (I think St. Patrick's Day last year was the last time we all hung out) and I have NEVER vacationed with either one of them! And the last time I spent time with my girlfriend Janna was the last time I went to NOLA - in June of 2004 - so that's been almost three years ago. And she was pregnant, so she couldn't properly show me all of the fun eating and drinking spots in the city! It should be fun! I hope I don't miss the boys so badly that it ruins the trip for me. Damon and I would like to try to get away once a year, so we hope things go smoothly and we can set a good precedent with this short trip!
Gooey Butter Cake! Mmmmmmmmmmmm....... This is gonna be a GoTo recipe for me. It was a huge hit at my house - so much so that I have added an extra five minutes to my treadmill run time. And Damon LOVES it. Thank you for the delicious recipe!
Coley had his immunizations last week and I ended up having to take the following day off work because he was SO fussy. The next day he immediately caught a cold - he had a terrible cough - and he is really today finally feeling better. It is still so strange to me that with Coley I have felt like I have hit every bump in the road from his birth, to getting the breast infection, to him having the dry flaky skin on his face, right up until now with the sickness and fussiness. Connor was SO laid back - and really, really easy. Not that Cole is HARD by any means. To many people, he would be considered a very easy baby. Believe me, I adore him beyond WORDS - he's grinning and cooing all over the place and the smile he breaks out in when he sees me makes me melt into a big old puddle of goo. They're just so very different. And now I totally get why everyone said I would love them both the same, but differently.

So, I guess that's it for now. I hear some random squeaking and grunting coming from Cole's general vicinity. So the quiet moment is about to be over. I had better prepare myself!

Happy Family

2008-02-12T05:56:00.000-08:00

We had these pictures taken for Damon for Valentine's Day. Actually, we had a TON of them taken, but these are a few of my favorites.
I'm matting and framing a few pictures for him and giving him a box of chocolates filled with Kahlua - his favorite. I'm also cooking a yummy dinner and my friend Joc's Gooey Buttercake, and we're all getting dressed up and eating by candlelight. Good times.
Happy Valentine's Day. Now go do something special for the people you love.

Lone. Alone. Lonely.

2007-09-29T05:24:00.000-07:00

I can't stop thinking about this big chunk of alone time I have been handed this weekend. I flipped our family calendar to October last night to write down our schedules, and I have SO many obligations next week, it's pure craziness. Not to mention the chunk of holidays that begins with Halloween and ends with Christmas and has three birthdays (one of them an actual BIRTH day this year) falling in between.

So I have actually been BLESSED with this weekend. It could well be one of my last quiet times in a very LONG time. And then I find myself thinking: When did I change? When did my life become so chaotically BUSY that I almost can't function unless I am going at a crazed, chaotic pace? When did I begin to almost DREAD a block of unscheduled time? I know there was a time when I craved and treasured it. And I have decided that this time for me is a gift indeed. It is time for a change in my life, and I am going to learn to look at things a little differently.

With the closing of one of my stores, I will only be going back to work two days a week after Cole is born. I will have PLENTY of unscheduled time. I will also have (hopefully) a cleaner, more organized house, lots of precious time with my boys (I won't have to miss any moments.), and hopefully the time I do spend at the shop will be more focused, because I will be able to balance everything a lot better.

So, this TIME? It's a good thing.

It's Going To Be A Long Weekend

2007-09-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

After I work today, I have the next four days off. Damon, however, has to work late tonight and pretty much the rest of the weekend. AND we're a little on the broke side, so aside from the grocery store, shopping is not really an option. Also, have I mentioned that I tend to be rather anti-social when I'm pregnant?

So..... This weekend will include:

A potty training extravaganza.
A thorough house cleaning.
An expedition to the Art Fair.
Lots of cooking, since I will actually have some TIME.
Hopefully, getting Cole's baby book caught up. I had a pregnancy journal when I had Connor, and it is FULL. Cole's? Let's just say it's not fair to him so far. And I ALREADY have Mom Guilt.

Can you tell that I'm trying to get myself to a positive place about this big chunk of unplanned time? There was a time when I would have LOVED to have that much unstructured time ahead of me. Now I don't know what to do with myself unless I'm busy. But I'm going to try hard to appreciate it. I know it doesn't come around very often.

And, heh, now for Connor's take on the weekend:

Mommy's bed.
Somersaults
Blue's (Clues)
Books
Play

Do I not have the cutest child ever? :)

In A Better Place

2007-09-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

I am in SUCH a better place lately.

Or not, depending on how you look at it. PHYSICALLY, I'm still in Central Illinois. Which stinks, because if you look at the calendar hanging on our fridge, I should be leaving San Juan, Puerto Rico and heading for Ponce, PR today. Damon and I cancelled our exciting 10 day trip to sunny, warm Puerto Rico, because, well, it was 10 DAYS! Too long. Too long for either of us to miss work. Especially too long for me to be away from Connor. Not to mention, NO FUN to be 30 weeks pregnant and feel like a big whale in a bathing suit on the beach. And let's not even get into the not being able to partake of the tropical drinks. Bacardi Rum is BASED in San Juan, for crying out loud!

So, we've postponed our trip until January, when I will be blissfully UNpregnant and we are far less busy. We'll be going somewhere sunny and warm for about FOUR days. Much more reasonable.

And you know what? Sunny, tropical Puerto Rico or not, I'm pretty happy right where I am.

Maybe that's because I am in such a better place. Mentally. I just feel BETTER than I have in probably a year. I'm getting so excited to snuggle this new little boy I can hardly stand it. Connor is hilarious, bright, and amazing. His sense of humor is so mini me, it's ridiculous - the two of us are contantly in stitches. The end of one of my shops is just around the corner, which is a HUGE relief, and our personal finances are looking much better than they have in awhile. All is well with the world. I am feeling really relaxed and just plain GOOD. Finally!

A quick sidenote just in case anyone is checking in for the news on Sara's dad. He did pass away Thursday evening a few hours after he was removed from life support. So please continue to pray for Sara and her family as they mourn his passing.

A little bit of happy, a little bit of sad

2007-09-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

Bad news first? That's how I usually prefer it.

My friend Sara's dad was in a motorcycle accident Saturday. He's in critical condition and from what she said in her email this morning, things aren't looking great. They are waiting to see if there are any changes in his condition by Friday before they make any further decisions. My heart ACHES for Sara. I haven't talked to her in a while, but she's one of those friends. Those sister~friends who always hold a special place in your heart, whether or not you talk to them every day. I hope she and her daddy find peace, whatever happens.

And now for a couple of good things.

My friend Joc and her husband Chris welcomed their son, Noah, into the world on Friday, September 14! She sounds blissful and completely in love, as she should. I can't wait for pictures!

I had my 29 week sonogram today. Baby Cole looks fabulous - everything looks perfect. Fingers, toes, major organs all accounted for. He even has Damon's eyebrows already. :) Like Connor did, he has already manuevered himself head down, so he's ready to go when the time comes. At my last sonogram, they thought he was measuring a little big, but today he was right on target. So it's looking like he will be born close to the original due date of December 9.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of wanting everything to be ready and perfect. I can't believe he'll be here so soon! The time has flown, and I'm sure the last eleven weeks will go even faster, with it being my favorite time of year and such a very BUSY time of year too! And cool. I can't wait for it to be COOL. I have not enjoyed being pregnant in the summer - I don't know how women manage to get through the later months in that humid heat. Yuck!

So anyway, there's the scoop on my wee one. And please keep Sara and her daddy in your prayers, okay?

It's Been Awhile

2007-09-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Here are some quick random thoughts:

1. I know FOUR people who have birthed themselves some babies in the past week or so. WHAT was going on nine months ago? (Obviously not much).

2. We are going to get pumpkins after Connor wakes up from his nap. All morning he's been asking about going to get them. He's so excited. I LOVE two!

3. I am having huge, huge issues with having the new baby. I am feeling such sadness for losing what I have with Connor right NOW. I love our relationship, everything about it. And I know in my heart that I'll still have it (times two!) and he'll get a whole new relationship of his own. But it is still very, very hard for me.

4. This has been the most stressful year in my marriage. It has been one thing after another. But I think we're coming out of the dark. Stronger for it, I hope.

5. Have I ever mentioned how much I ADORE the fall? It's warm and sunny out today, but you can feel fall in the breeze. It makes me so happy.

6. I am closing the West Peoria store. I must tell you that I am in no way conflicted about this decision. It is time. Our last day there will be around Thanksgiving. Then it's on to bigger things, like enjoying the growth of the Washington store. And better things. Like snuggling babies 3 sometimes even 4 days out of the week!

7. Must nap now. It's pumpkins after that!

Today is my true Mother's Day

2007-05-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

First off, we had these pictures taken this morning. How can that handsome boy NOT make my day? Those eyes, that smile, that mop of curls! I just adore him!

And all afternoon? I have been joyfully, blissfully, peacefully ALONE. I've done a bit of cleaning (not too much, mind you), some napping, some online perusing, and now I'm about to settle down with a book for the last hour or so of my aloneness. And it looks like rain, so tonight we'll settle in and watch it rain while we eat dinner and I continue my laziness. Back to reality tomorrow, so today I will enjoy.

While I'm Waiting...

2007-04-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

Connor is sleeping and has been for nearly three hours. I can't wait for him to nap and then I can't wait for him to wake up. Yet another quirk o' mine.

So, there is some news around here. We're expecting another member of the Keller Clan, due to arrive sometime around December 9. I'm about nine weeks along and still doing some adjusting to the idea, excited as I am.

I can't wrap my mind around the idea of TWO. I took Connor to the park this morning with my girlfriend and he kept running over just to sit by me and hang out before he'd go back to playing. And then, the rest of the morning as we read and ate and played, I kept thinking how I'll have to share our time with another one. I know people do it every day and I also know Connor will get used to the new baby, it will be such a great experience for him... I do truly know all these things. Yet I still feel like some of my bond with him is going to be weakened in some weird way. Maybe I feel that because I'm an only child, who knows?

As for more specifics, I've been feeling pretty icky this go'round. I have been SO nauseous and extremely tired. I have been putting far less than 100% into my business lately because I just haven't had the extra energy to give it. I hope I start feeling a little better soon. And I must confess, I am hoping a bit for a girl, just because I'd like to have a little bit of pink and princess around here, but I'm pretty open to either possibility. A boy would be SO much fun for Connor and if I get another one like him, count me in!

More details later, I'm either going to go wake Connor up or take a quick power nap until he finally decides to get up!

I found a quiet moment...

2007-04-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

This never happens. It is so peaceful at my house! It's a lovely Sunday morning and miracle of miracles, Connor is settled down for an early nap and Damon left to do a couple hours worth of work. So I have the house to myself.

What to do with this precious gift of time? I will fold laundry and pick up a bit and then go up and take a very long, very warm, uninterrupted shower. And then I can either come downstairs and finish the last of my taxes or lie in bed with a book (hey, why finish my taxes today when I can procrastinate until tomorrow?)

On a sad, completely unrelated note, I'm looking out the sliders at our neighbor, Nick. His wife passed away a week ago. I'm not sure what was wrong with her, but I think it was cancer or something similar. There have been lots of cars there for the past few weeks, like everyone had surrounded her bedside at the end. And of course, this past week, since she died, lots of cars as his family supported him for the memorial service and days following. Today there are no cars, just his truck and her car parked in the driveway. And he is standing out in the yard looking completely lost. My heart goes out to him. It has been almost three years exactly since I lost my daddy and I can still remember that lost feeling. I even still feel it sometimes. You just sit and wonder how you are supposed to keep going, why you would even want to. It's a horrible feeling. And sadness will catch you unaware, grip you by the heart and just wrench it unexpectedly. It still happens. Not as much, but it still does.

And a little cheery, breezy moment to balance out that melancholy moment.... We're going to play later today. It's sunny and bright outside, although still a bit cool. We've all been sick and I have been SO TIRED this week, we thought a little getaway was in order today. So, we're taking Connor to Barnes & Noble to play with the Thomas the Train set and then we're taking ME to Sushi Popo to get the California Rolls and Avacado Rolls I've been craving for a week. Yum.

And a gratuitous photo of C to take it out....

Wearing his cheesy, I'm getting my picture taken, smile!

I would like to sleep now, please.

2007-04-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I have not been able to sleep lately. There is SO much going on in my mind. I could certainly elaborate, and I'm kind of suprised that I'm not, but I think I'd like to use the art of distraction today.

My stepson, Sylas, is here for spring break and I am enjoying him SO much! Every time he comes to visit as he gets older, and more so since he has turned 13, I worry about him entering that weird teenager phase where essentially all grownups suck, ESPECIALLY those of the stepmom variety. But he continues to find me worthy. We've gone for bike rides, and today I took him out for lunch and then we went to see Blades of Glory. Hilarious and just what I needed - to laugh like a 13 year old boy. He has grown up enough that he's lost a lot of his obnoxious behavior, yet he's still not afraid to be silly and have fun. He's turning out just fine.

CONNOR, however, my own flesh and blood? Onery as all get out? Damon and I picked him up from daycare today and his teachers were like, "He was a STINKER today!" Great. He's definitely going through SOME kind of phase. I attribute some of it to Sylas being here, and more to him spending a little bit too much time playing with kids who are too old for him. I'm in the process of getting a Mom's Group off the ground so that we can find some kids his own age to play with. I think that will help. I want my sweet boy back, the one who I hear nothing but compliments about.

I'm feeling hungry. There was one night last week when I did this - woke up in the middle of the night and goofed around online for an hour. I was RAVENOUS - stuffed down some Wheat Thins and a wedge of Laughing Cow. I am SO wanting to repeat that perfomance, but I'm trying to show some restraint. I hate insomnia. My brain sometimes refuses to stop. I finished my light Jennifer Weiner novel and I don't want to start my next book, a Stephen King (if I start reading THAT, I'll never sleep) so reading is out, and that's the only way my brain really shuts off. This online thing works for awhile, but the bright monitor probably stimulated my brain even MORE so I can be prepared to stew awhile longer when I finally go up bed, which I think I'm finally ready to attempt now.

Sweet dreams.

Ironically....

2007-02-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

I got my wish after I posted my last entry....

KC was coming over for dinner anyway, and when I got home my friend Tim called. He was feeling the same melancholy feeling and decided that he wanted to drive down from Indiana. So we had a night just like the one I was pining for. It was MUCH needed, by all parties.

Sometimes there's nothing like good friends.

Missing The Way It Used To Be....

2007-02-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Remember this? That was a typical Friday night. For years we were at a bar (any random bar, didn't really matter as long as the four of us were there). Once Damon and I got married, more often than not, we've been at my house. I have the house where everyone congregates. It used to be because we were the ones who could afford to buy the beer (I'm SO not kidding) but now it's because I have Connor - and because I'm kind of the cook - entertainer out of all of us. The Rachel Ray of Spring Bay, so to speak!

My committee has sort of dwindled. For the most part, I'm okay with that. Some of us have grown apart ONLY in distance, some of us still live in the same town but no longer speak.

My friend Tim recently moved to Indiana. There are days when I miss him so badly it hurts. Like today, he shot me a message on MySpace about a Super Bowl party they're having. There just no WAY for us to do things like that on such short notice anymore, but I find myself thinking "could we?" just for the opportunity to spend time with him.

And my other friend, KC, who actually got me thinking about this topic, interviewed for a new position Monday. He called me about two minutes ago and told me that he got the position, so he'll be moving to either Arizona, North Dakota, or Wisconsin.

So now the committee will officially be done as we know it. Get togethers over the holidays, maybe some trips during the year. And with our family HOPEFULLY growing someday soon, trips are going to be less frequent.

It's all too weird and I'm a bit melancholy about it. I'm not the typical giggly girly girl with a gaggle of girlfriends by any means. I've always fared far better with male friends. As much as I KNOW my boys need these moves to better themselves, I'm feeling a bit selfish and wanting to hug them close and hold them hostage at my dinner table making pyramids out of beer cans, playing rounds of Asshole, and doing karaoke once we all get good and buzzed.

Boys, boys, boys. Come back when you can.

Coffee, Tea, Me....

2007-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

We're turning into Teetotalers at Casa de Keller. So unlike us. We've abandoned the beer and the vino for Vanilla Hazelnut tea and Grandma Pat's cookies. Life is good. And no hangovers!

Speaking of Grandma Pat....

And here's one I adore of Connor and Grandpa Art:

As you can see, we went to Arkansas and spent some much needed relaxing family time last weekend. It was wonderful. I actually came back from taking time off feeling refreshed. That almost never happens. I'm so glad we went!

And now for some other random thoughts:

I wish there really was a House Cleaning Fairy. The one Damon believes in doesn't exist, not really.
I can not, will not ever wear extremely low waisted pants again, on principle.
I can not wait to own at least one patent leather item this spring.
And a couple of polka dotted items as well.
I'm training for another 5K this March. Well, if training means running two times in as many weeks. I need to get on the stick. Aside from getting fattened up (in a good way) in Arkansas, I need to get back into a workout routine.
I'm also trying to get back on a health kick. Cutting out sugar and white flour - all that good stuff. But allowing myself a bit of a cheat here and there just to keep myself honest. So far I'm still working on losing the five pounds I put on in Arkansas, but I'll get there.
When did it become infinitely more fun to shop for Connor than it is for myself?
I still adore reading Jane Magazine. I've been a fan ever since the days of Sassy, way back when Reese Witherspoon was the Sassiest Girl In America. They've always been a little bit different.
I love my new leopard print ballerina flats. I feel SO girly in them.
I need a fabulous book to read.

I promise promise promise that one day I'll come back and do more than just ramble and brag on my divine little son!

Blue Christmas

2006-12-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

I've got a bit of the blues this year and I really don't know why. Connor's birthday and Christmas are going to be SO much fun. He's at the age where he is going to be a riot opening his presents and he's singing Christmas carols, playing in the snow, eating candy canes -- the whole bit. I should be SO excited. I'm enjoying all of it for his sake, don't get me wrong, but my heart doesn't feel wholly in it this year.

Could it be that I am still missing my dad? After a certain point, the people around you start to forget your grief - and you forget it yourself to a certain extent. Like - I don't think about my dad being gone every moment of every day anymore. And I don't wake up every night and lay there and think about him passing away during the night. It's no longer all consuming. But it will hit me at the strangest times - driving down the road, reading a book, drinking a glass of wine with Damon - and I feel weird sharing that I'm still sad because I feel like I should have moved on. And most of all, I know my Dad would want me to. It's such a yucky place to be, this place I'm at. Blech.

If Oprah Can Have A Favorite List So Can I!

2006-10-31T09:33:00.000-08:00

Starbuck's Mocha Light Frappucino. I don't care if it's getting cold outside, I love me up some frosty beverages!
Gap Body. Their stuff is SO soft, and they don't carry it at our Gap so I live for it to come in at the shop or buy it online.
Fall candles. I've been buying a new brand this year. They sell them on the square in Washington. Ah. Mc Call's. I particularly enjoy the Pumpkin Spice and the Country Store. Yum.
Real Simple Magazine. And Midwest Living.
Geneva, Illinois It is my new favorite city - at least in Illinois. I'm doing my Christmas shopping there this year.
Red wine - if it's not too cough syrupy. If you're reading this and you love red wine, leave me a comment suggesting a new one for me to try.
My new longer hair. I'm getting it trimmed and colored today. I will post some pictures of Connor and I tonight, with him in his costume and me in my Gas Station Assitant Costume.
Cooking. I adore cooking.

Next up, Why Oprah gets on my last good nerve! :)

Completely Random

2006-10-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

I don't know where my time goes. Seriously. I always have good intentions, but it seems like time just slips away from me. I have no time for anything extra. I've finally come to terms with this and realized that after the business and my family, everything else is indeed extra and it ain't always gonna happen.
We carved pumpkins and went to Wildlife Prairie Park yesterday. It was a picture perfect fall day and Connor is finally truly old enough to enjoy stuff like that. It is going to be such a fun holiday season. We took video of everything yesterday, so no pictures to share, but I'll take some digital pics on Halloween night. Connor is going as a mechanic.
Again, a beautiful day today. Connor is napping (adjusting to the time change) and as soon as I'm done here, we're venturing out. And then going on a long bike ride - probably the last one this year. I have so enjoyed riding my bike this summer - we got one of those pull behind things for Connor - his "chariot". It makes riding so much fun for us!
I've outlined a menu full of fall deliciousness this week. Dinners like Chili and Red Beans and Rice. Comfort food. Mmmmmm..... I so adore everything about cooler weather.
I PROMISE to update more later. My mind is blank right now and wandering to thoughts of showering and being productive. Tomorrow I have the entire day to myself. I'll write more then.

Off To The Spa!

2006-10-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am off to spend a couple of days at the spa with my two best childhood friends. It's amazing how since we've all become wives and then mothers we haven't really had a chance to talk in years. Years! How does that happen?

But it's amazing - I can remember talking to these girls while we were playing Barbies and later smoking forbidden cigarettes in my cloudy bedroom - planning to always be the greatest of friends - so rarely does that ever really happen, and yet somehow for us it did.

And to be fortunate enough that all three of us are financially able to take two days off in the middle of the week for some pampering, fine eating, wine drinking, giggling, shopping, and relaxation? And even luckier that we all three have husbands willing to step in and help out with our children so that we are able to get away?

We are blessed in so many ways. I'll let you know how it turns out!

In Typical Cyn Fashion

2006-09-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

I do the dumbest things. No really. I do.

Tomorrow is a FABULOUS MONUMENTAL occasion that I've been planning to attend with my friends Glenda, Mollee, and KC, among others. It's a Gay Soiree, if you will. My dress is a complete Cinderella moment - I've got fabulous shoes, and I'm getting my hair done, flowers.... the works! We've fretted and planned over our attire and each and every detail of the night like we're going to prom all over again.

So what happened to me last night? I broke my damn toe.

How, you ask? I simply must share yet another of my brilliant moments.

I was diligently working on signs for our garage sale. I had to make four and they were taking FOREVER. As is the norm, whenever I looked up, I got a fabulous view of the BACK of my husband's head as he goofed around online, perusing eBay or some other site. I was irritated, but no more so than usual, heh. So we got to talking about going to the apple orchard next weekend, but I couldn't remember what we had going on. Since I was working away on the signs and he was goofing online, I thought perhaps HE could walk into the kitchen and check the calendar on our fridge. And since he failed to do so in what I deemed to be a timely manner, I decided to get up and ROLL him in there to check - since he was conveniently seated in a rolling office chair.

Here is where the problem occured - and please note that NO wine was consumed last night. Somehow I mananged to TIP the chair over - but before that happened - or during - it all happened VERY fast - the chair rolled over my baby toe. Gashed the crap out of it and BROKE it just for spite! I didn't even notice my toe at first - just that Damon was on the floor. HE was fine - not a bump or bruise in site - I'm the walking wounded today with my little bruised sausage toe.

The whole thing is hysterical. I just may have to wear an orthopedic shoe to the Fall Ball.

Enough With The Bullets, I Say!

2006-09-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm almost afraid to post. The internet is NOT my friend. We recently got a new computer at home because our pc was unbearably slllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww. We're talking painful. And at one shop, something has happened to our internet connection. We can't get online at all there, which I'm going to look at as a blessing because that means at ONE shop, at least, some work is getting done. Because look what I'm doing at the other shop.... And the connection here has been spazztic all day, thus the bullets. I'm going to save this sucker after every single one so's I don't lose a whole bunch of rambling and get really annoyed.

Let's start with Connor, shall we? It seems impossible, but he will be two (Two!) in December. He is no longer a baby - he is an endearing little boy - and he is a very serious mama himself - to his little stuffed Blue. He smooches the thing incessantly and mocks all the things I do with HIM. So very cute. Less cute is all the limit pushing and button pressing he's been doing lately. So we'll try to stop him and he's so angelic and the next thing you know, he's right back at it. Now we've decided on one stern warning, and then a one minute time out in the Pack N Play. So far he's only been in the PNP once and it seemed to work, so we'll keep on with it... I suppose this is just another part of parenthood that takes some getting used to. Even weirder, after having a VERY hard and trying four days off with him, I miss him more than ever today. I thought I'd be relieved to have a little break, but I can hardly wait to bust out of here and hang out with him and be all frustrated all over again. Who knew this whole having a child thing was such a mixed bag?
My mom moved into her house over Labor Day Weekend. (Hallelujah! Hallelujah!) So far, so good - except Connor misses their early morning banana eating ritual. The sight of the school bus passing by is a great distraction though - especially if we have the screen door open. He runs to the door frantically, yelling "Bus! Bus!". And I just know if I'd open the door, he'd book right out there and walk on and probably never look back.
I've been doing OKAY with the running - I've slacked some since I was running a regular four miles - now I'm doing two and a half or three and only a couple of times weekly. I've been riding my bike the other day or two - in fact we're doing a family ride for cancer, Pedal the Prairie this Sunday on the Rock Island Trail. I'm excited about it. There's also a four mile run at the zoo I'd like to compete in at the end of the month, but I really need to work harder to be ready for it.
I've been spending a TON of time with my friends lately - lot of telephone time too, which has NOT been my thing for the last few years. I am SO happy with where I'm at with my friends right now. Such good, good balance of give and take. Nice and healthy.
Sure enough, the internet tried to eat this entry while I was at work today. Luckily, I think ahead.
Mmmmmmm............. Fried chicken tonight at a very yummy new restaurant we discovered. Home cooked happiness. I can diet another day.
And now, bedtime. I always have a hard time transitioning seasons. It always makes me really tired. And even though it's only 8:30, I'm cashing in. I really need to run tomorrow to make up for that fried chicken.

I'm Back

2006-09-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

Excuses, excuses.... Why even bother? All I can tell you is that sometimes I simply get too busy living in the moment with this sweet baby of mine to be bothered writing about it.

But then, if I don't write, I'm afraid I'll never remember. So I'm back promising yet again to give this blogging thing a go. We'll see what happens.

In Memory

2006-09-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

This whole 5 year anniversary of September 11 has really gotten to me. I remember so vividly watching the footage and being gripped by all the news coverage. I remember everyone festooning thier cars and windows with those American flag stickers. I remember feeling like although we were vulnerable we were still oh so very strong as a nation. For the first time in my life I understood Patriotism. And a few years later, I looked at all the cars and wondered where the flag stickers had gone. Why did people remove them? Had Patriotism gone out of style? Is that even possible? So I think it is very important that we remember and try to recapture a little bit of how we felt as a nation in the aftermath of the attacks.My friend Lori wrote this poem soon after and she shared it with me today. It touched me so, I thought I would pass it on.

Live Each Day As If...
In retrospect of our nation's 9-11 tragedy...
I was deeply touched at the glimpses of the lives of the ones who lived in love, the ones whose lives remain shattered, our nation's innocent...
Pieces of conversation hang thickly in the smoky mist and continue to haunt me...
"He kissed my cheek and told me he loved me, the same as he did every single morning."
"Our baby girl will know her daddy as a hero!"
"He always called the girls... his little princesses."
"Pray the 'Our Father' with me... (I forgive them)... and tell my wife that I love her."
Life's too short to not live fully...
You've got to hug your babies tight.
Run your fingers through their silky hair.
Hold their faces gently in your hands.
Stroke their backs, and make, "I love you" your mantra.
No matter how fervently they fight for their independence, hold their tiny hands each time you cross the street.
Feed a cold, starve a fever.
Ride every merry-go-round, and eat cotton candy with them!
Yes! Let your tongue turn blue, and giggle about it!
But, above all, teach them to love, cry freely as you read them "Chicken Soup" stories, and show them it's always okay to care.
Then, when you find yourself on that fated flight, you will know fewer regrets, perhaps mourning lost time together, in this earthly world but bonded forever in eternal life.
Just fold them in a warm embrace. "Hang on, baby! We're going to heaven today."...
and close your eyes forever...

Peacefully, Lori Beal

"Five More Minutes"

2006-06-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

This was my constant refrain every single morning of my childhood when my parents came in to wake me up for school. I have never used an alarm clock. Back then I would beg for that five minutes, which my mom and dad would ALWAYS grant me. Now I just have to ration that time for myself, and I often do.

I have also always been a big fan of what one of my dear high school boyfriend Derek called the "Personal Day". Sometimes I just need a day to do nothing but read, sleep (or like I did in high school, lube up with tanning oil and head for the backyard with my headphones and a fan dragged outside with an extension cord). I miss those days, and like most things, I am certain that I didn't appreciate them enough when they were endlessly available to me.

Have I mentioned that my mother lives with us? In September it will be two years that we have shared an abode. And as much as I love my mom and hate to cause her pain, our living together needs to come to an end. Her DARLING little house (conveniently located not 30 steps from our house) is all redone for her and ready to be LIVED in. The hesitation and excuses were amusing and entertaining at first. And I get that when she moves over there she will be officially Alone. And that will make her miss my dad more. But, as I mentioned, we are two seconds away. So my mom has lived with us through most of my pregnancy and Connor's whole life. He just turned 18 months. Whew. AND the guy she's been dating for the past year or so, taking her to dinner and allowing us a certain measure of freedom a couple of nights a week appears to have broken up with her. I'm sad for her and I think the way he let her down was just about the LAST thing she needs right now - and a bunch of horse manure - by the way. But now there will be NO reprieve.

And my stepson is here for eight weeks this summer. I have already decided that we are not leaving the house to go out for dinner or DO much of anything until he can behave in a manner that is appropriate for a twelve year old. Yes, I realize that he is twelve, and I'm fine with cutting him a little slack. But his behavior so far has led me to think that we will probably be spending a lot of time at home.

I wasn't sure if I was going to mention this, but on top of everything else, I miscarried on Memorial Day weekend. I had known I was pregnant for a week and it was a BIG shocker. During that week, I was able to process the fact that I was pregnant, hope and plan for the baby, and then it was gone. I'm not distraught or hysterical. The experience was extremely emotional and exhausting, but I firmly believe that for whatever reason that babe was just not meant to be. I just don't ever want to forget about it and how it made me feel.

However the light at the end of the tunnel is that I ran my second race this weekend. It was the biggest race in the area, Steamboat Days. I ran four miles and finished in 42 minutes and 7 seconds. It seems like in races, I am able to run a mile in about 10:30, which THRILLS me. I love it, love pushing myself, crossing the finish line and feeling my calves ache later that day and the next. I love feeling fit and in really great, great shape for the first time in high school. I love that my dad is up there, unbelievably proud of me right now. I knew I had a runner in me. Next event, a team biathlon July 16 by St. Louis. I will run 4.5 miles and Damon will do the cycling portion, a 20 mile ride. I think it will feel even more amazing doing it as a team.

Sweet clumsy boy

2006-05-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

You fill my life with chaos, mischief, and upheaval. I am constantly doing the sharp "mom" intake of breath so as not to freak over your most recent tumble. I have perfected the art of understanding your pleas for "milk", "bite", and "applesauce?" Applesauce is ALWAYS a question, so very cute.

You ADORE your shades, and like your mama, you love to push them up on your head.

You are a darling, dancing, giggler. You make me so very joyful and show me a peace and ease unlike anything I have ever known. You amaze me. You make me full.

Edited to add: Your dad does NOT like these pictures because your face is all dirty, you've got some bangs and scrapes, and you're kickin' the drool. I ADORE them. They are exactly who you are right now.

Me

2006-05-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

I AM: antsy. I'm having a very strange day. I can't stop THINKING, the weather is beautiful, the store is VERY slow, and I'm itching to flip the sign over to "Closed", pick Connor up from daycare and head to the zoo. I'm dangerously close, even though there are four more hours until closing time.
I WANT: to be outside, either at the zoo with Connor or on a long bike ride.
I WISH: I didn't have so much going on in my life. A good rest sounds lovely.
I HATE: black olives
I MISS: my dad. To pick up the phone and talk to him would be complete and utter bliss.
I FEAR: confrontation
I HEAR: Sheryl Crow.
I WONDER: how much my life is about to change.
I REGRET: not saying no on many occasions when I have gotten myself sucked into doing things I would rather not.
I AM NOT: a big fan of talking on the phone.
I DANCE: with Connor on a regular basis. We are very big on the Jack Johnson lately. Connor has some HILARIOUS interpretive dance moves.
I SING: SO, SO much. More than average, I'm guessing.
I CRY: Quite often, especially in the last couple of days.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: sure what to do next.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: lots of yummy food (I've been having a Paula Dean moment, lately) and pretty flower groupings - our yard looks beautiful).
I WRITE: not as often as I would like. My life gets in the way.
I CONFUSE: most things having to do with Math and Science. My brain just doesn't process those things.
I NEED: a good run or some sort of exercise to clear my head and restore my spirit.
I SHOULD: do some work. But it just isn't that kind of day.
I START: all kinds of diets that I never finish.
I FINISH: most of my goals. Except diets, heh.

Outside, Outside!

2006-04-23T18:06:00.000-07:00

We are LOVING spring around here. So much, in fact, that we just can't stop smiling about it.

So random and lazy that it requires bullets...

2006-03-29T12:44:00.000-08:00

Note to self: I suck at this blogging thing. I can't even tell you how many pee your pants hilarious and or major epiphany blog entries I have composed as I lie in bed at night. If only I weren't so lazy, I would hop out of bed, run down the steps, grab a glass of milk, and type them out. I hope that my laziness doesn't disappoint, sweet and dear readership (of two). :)
I am SO much happier than I was in the past few entries. I think I may have been experiencing a bit of depression this winter. I feel a cajillionmilliontrillion times better now.
I will firmly credit some of this happiness and good health to the fact that I joined a gym at the end of February. I have been going regularly and now I find myself looking forward to my workouts. Seriously. For one thing, it is an hour to myself. I can either take Connor and drop him off in the childcare room or go straight from work and let Damon watch him. I started slow, but now I am briskly walking for 40 minutes on the treadmill and I run TEN of those minutes. That's right, I run! And I love it. With running, I find it easier to challenge myself and take it to the next level. Also, I tried the Power Hour on Monday. Trust me when I tell you that a workout of that intensity never would have appealed to me before. I liked it so much that I plan to do it twice a week from now on, even though my muscles are still a bit indignant about the whole thing. I will tell you that my body is thanking me. I managed to put on and zip up a skirt today in a size four. Honestly, I need to lose another five pounds before I'll wear it, but I consider the zipping it up a real achievement.
I am finally starting to make some friends in my town. I have been close to my next door neighbor for awhile, and now we've met another couple our age and I've begun to form friendships with the woman who runs the local coffee shop (imagine that!) and one of the teachers at Connor's daycare. I am at such a weird place in my life, friendships have been a bit strange lately. I am done with the friendships that are negative and empty. I've been going through this little metamorphisis for awhile. It's funny how my most dramatic friends refuse to believe that I could possibly be happier now that I have finally removed myself from all that crap. And I SO speaketh the truth when I tell you that they can have it.
I have also been having a little moment that I'll refer to as a Scorpio moment. My friend Mollee says that we Scorpios are totally all or nothing when it comes to almost anything, be it sex, shopping, or in my case social interaction. And it's true, I am usually Queen Bee of my social circle at any given moment. But I have been happy as can be at home with Connor, Damon, and a delicious book to read. It's a phase that will more than likely end when the aformentioned neighbors open up their pool and the other new friends in town break out their boat and jet ski! I do so enjoy summer, especially when I can be in the water. I did break out of my shell this weekend. Friday we went to dinner with my best friend and her husband. Saturday we went to dinner with another couple at a dive that probably doesn't even know about the internet so I could not possibly provide a link, however they have the best burgers and fried chicken in the WORLD (and plenty of beer to wash it down with). Sunday I did a party for my new business, The Body Shop at Home and then the neighbors came over for pizza. It was great, especially since we've been feeling a little dissed lately - wondering what was wrong with us that no one wants to hang out with us anymore. I think that was part of my funk, but I think it may have to do with becoming parents and not being able to do the same things we used to do. We just had to kind of rediscover who we are.
Damon and I are going on our very first weekend away without Connor. I'm totally excited, yet completely fearful at the prospect of leaving him for so long. I'm most excited to go drinking (again, imagine that) and be able to sleep in as late as I want. I told Damon that I may in fact sleep the entire weekend, which, I'm pretty sure is not what he has in mind. (Wink, wink.)
And one final thing. One of my friends from high school sent me a manilla envelope chock full of notes that I had written her in high school. I could not believe how immature I was. Seriously, I was so annoyed with myself reading them. I spent an entire four years of my life worrying so much what people thought of me. What a waste. But my "voice" in those notes was so who I am now. It's good to know there is a piece of me that hasn't changed.

St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

...remains one of my favorite holidays... Although every year I find myself doing LESS drinking and enjoying MORE the quality time with my family. And that is just fine by me.

If this were a Friends episode...

2006-03-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

...it would be entitled, "The One Where Connor Dives Into the Bathtub Fully Clothed".

My reactions to his antics of late:

1. "Oh my god is he hurt? No? Whew!"
2. Hysterics.

Brighter days just ahead...

2006-02-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

Perhaps my funk is lifting a little. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's the sun and warm weather (well, fifty degrees anyway) being forecasted for tomorrow. Maybe it's that finally, after months of debating and hem hawing, I am finally joining a gym. Maybe it's that my friend and dear employee Mollee, while shopping at a competing resale store (for shame!) found a Coach purse that she knew I couldn't resist for just forty bucks.

Or... Maybe it's the epiphany I had this morning. In my morning scramble and general disarray, I came to a conclusion. This is the way I am, chaos included. As much I want to be one of those women who perfectly balances her career and family and has a clean house and manages to get everywhere on time, I'm just not one of those women. Sometimes my work makes my head hurt. Honestly, sometimes my family makes my head hurt. I just had three days off in a row, and I managed to get the laundry done and I made a fair dent in the clutter, but immaculate and organized my house is not. And although I was up fifteen minutes earlier than usual this morning, I was still at work with about a minute to spare before opening.

And you know what I decided as I pondered all of this? I have a stressful job and sometimes I have a stressful family, but so does everybody. It isn't always this big Oprah Winfrey moment, y'know? And my three days off? I spent SO much time with Connor, hanging out and napping and eating chocolate chip cookies (hey, I'm not the organic health nut mom I thought I'd be either) and singing and CHASING and those things are so much more precious than a perfectly clean and organized home. And that is the same reason why I'm always on the verge of running late. Those extra minutes are quickly eaten away in kisses and giggles and baby babble, none of which I would miss for the world.

So, no. Supermama I am not. But I think I'm feeling better about who I am, and I'm done trying to work at being this self inflated fictitious image of perfection. I don't even know where I got that anyway.

Lazy Monday Afternoon

2006-02-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

I can't think of a better person to spend it with!

Hey, Poppy, if you're reading this...

2006-02-16T19:23:00.000-08:00

My neighbor is trashier than your neighbor. No, maybe trashier is the wrong word. Creepy. Yes, creepy. That is in fact, a dead coyote hanging from his tree. And two more on the ground for good measure. Although, I confess, the photo is a bit blurred and grainy, because I'm not quite as brave as I thought I was and although I had crept pretty close to take the photo, I got completely freaked out and had to turn and run home to safety and warmth and normal. I'm pretty sure this is against a lot of laws, but honestly, we're a little leery about complaining.

Fifteen Years Older

2006-01-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've aged about fifteen years in the past two months. Really, I have got to start handling my stress better.

We had a terrible December at the shop. The day I was supposed to have the Winter Open House at our Washington store, we had a blizzard and had to close early. The day fell literally ten times short of what I had planned. That whole entire week was the worst weather we have had all winter and recovering from that was nearly impossible. I spent my holidays worrying about how I was going to get back on track, which was NO way to be celebratory. Luckily, we've had a tremendous January, and things are starting to look up. Still, worrying about money is never fun.

I've also had some minor employee issues, which I think will also be resolved fairly soon. It's so hard for me, because now, having had Connor, I am not as prepared to spend so much time worrying about work. There have definitely been days within the last few months where I have been ready to throw in the towel and just stay at home with him. And with not only one shop but two, when things are good, they are really really good, but when they are bad, they're horrid. Yet, I am finally starting to make some money. By the end of this year I could finally gasp BRING HOME A PAYCHECK! And a decent one, at that. I have gained some respect and recognition in my field, which I am not willing to just give up because I've had a rough couple of months. So, I'll keep on keeping on.

AND, (and this is hard for me to talk about, yet at the same time important, because I need to get it out somewhere) Damon and I have been having some trouble in the bedroom. Namely, I do. Not. Feel. Like. Having. Sex. Ever. I've been to the doctor and was put on a low dose of the pill and given a topical ointment - a little bit o' testosterone - to give me some get up and go. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working. And it is becoming a problem. It's frustrating Damon and I personally am tired of him bugging me about it every single night. We've looked some stuff up online and had a great talk about it, so hopefully things will work themselves out. I really feel like it says something for our marriage that we are talking about and working on our sexual issues. I think it's times like these when a lot of couples do unhealthy things because they haven't communicated or taken steps to fix their problems.

So, is it any wonder that I am continuing to feel distracted and tired and overwhelmed? I don't think so. In fact, it is my pledge for February to get plenty of sleep, eat natural foods and nix the sugar, get some exercise and chill out.

So that's whats been going on with me. Aren't you glad you asked?

Distracted

2006-01-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

I have been so distracted lately. Here are some of my distractions, both good and bad.

1. myspace

2. A little boy who is so suddenly blowing kisses, babbling, standing up on his own, dancing, singing, giggling like a maniac (like mommy, like son), and doing 84,000 other ADORABLE things that I cannot resist!

3. Making money so that I can spend more of it! The shop is doing GREAT, especially for January.

4. Vodka. Martinis are NOT my friend (the next day anyway). However, Damon and I had a fabulous time drinking them when we dined at Rhythm Kitchen, my favorite place to go in Peoria!

5. Sushi. My husband made sushi for dinner not only once but twice last week! He did an awesome job, it was delicious.

6. Being artsy. I'm making Valentines for Connor, working on his scrapbook, and Damon and I have been playing around pouring candles at home. It's so much fun. I forgot how much I miss doing stuff like that.

7. Sleeping. Isn't sleeping the best? It's my favorite hobby!

Love is in the Air...

2006-01-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

...or it was until the internet ate my post...

Now it's all about irritation. I'll be back when love triumphs once again!

Do These Things Have Volume Control?

2005-12-31T08:23:00.000-08:00

Connor has discovered that he can make his voice loud. REALLY loud. His favorite places to test this new earshattering volume? Target. Random restaurants (who will soon be asking us politely not to return, I'm sure). The grocery. And the thing is, this noise is HAPPY, excited noise, not screaming and squawling. So, should I be grateful?

Other recent discoveries:

1. He can climb the stairs, open dangerous drawers and cabinets, and pull wine bottles out of the rack. This tells us that it is finally time to babyproof while drinking up our stock of wine.

2. He has suddenly (like within the last two weeks) become snuggly. To my delight, this is only shared with me. He will totally nap all cuddled up on the couch. I can't get enough of him, so this week has been chock full o' napping.

3. At our last pediatrician visit, she encouraged me to make the switch to a sippy cup and whole milk. "No problem", I thought to myself, "Connor is the trying new foods and loving them CHAMPION." That whole thought process? WRONG! He has suddenly stopped showing an interest in anything BUT formula, really, and will whine for his bottle throughout a meal. He does not appear to like the whole milk, even at room temperature. And our once culinary adventurer will now eat cheese, crackers, and applesauce. I am seriously hoping this is just a phase.

4. He will stand and take a couple of steps toward things that interest him, like the remote control. Like father, like son.

5. He FINALLY says "mama". Unfortunately, this usually gets tossed up during his more emotionally fragile moments. Yep, it's "mama" when he is in hysterics, "dada" when he is giggling and playing. I figured as much.

What an amazing year it's been. I think I'll celebrate tonight. ;)
See y'all next year!

The One Where I Get A Little Grinchy

2005-12-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

Ya know how sometimes people think they have to spend a whole bunch of money for a gift to mean something? I hate that. I think it's a way of trying to compensate for a lack of a lot of other things.

Maybe I'm just being selfish. The amount really shouldn't matter at all, right? So why am I even worrying about it?

I just hope I never have to say I told you so.

A Year With You

2005-12-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty sentimental lately. I figure there are a few good reasons for this. Three that I can think of right off the top of my head.

1. Your Great Grandma Hazel passed away a year ago yesterday, but I found out a year ago today. I found out in a horrible way, I had finally gotten up the gusto to call her and tell her that you were born and she wasn't answering the phone. We called her sister, Ruby, who went to check on her and it was discovered that she had passed away during the night. I still have some guilt over not calling her on the 17th, the actual day you were born. Conversations with her drained me. She did not ever quite mentally grasp that my dad, her son, Ron had passed away the previous April, so every conversation entailed me explaining HIS death and the details over and over again. She did, however, totally get that I was pregnant with you and even bought you a teddy bear, the tan one with the red ribbon around his neck that we keep on your changing table. Anyway, it's been a year so I am a little sad. And I'm thinking of how many journeys to Springfield you made within the first weeks of your tiny little life as we handled the details of her passing. I will swear you have been a travel trouper ever since due to that.

2. For some reason, starting the very NIGHT you turned one, you stopped sleeping through the night. In fact, the first two nights, you woke up WAILING, inconsolable, for no apparent, reason. I still don't know exactly what happened. I do know that after three nights of waking up, last night you went back to being the sound little sleeper we know and love.

3. Did I mention that you turned ONE? That's enough to make anyone a little sentimental, I guess.

It's hard to imagine that a year ago, you were so itty bitty that you preferred to snooze in the changing table part of your pack n' play. And that I was struggling and struggling to pump out breast milk that simply would not come, a source of frustration and guilt I am still dealing with.

It's hard to imagine that over a year, you went from drinking that breast milk, to formula, to cereal, then baby food, and now you will eat absolutely anything that we're eating, with relish and delight. Your favorite foods are cheese, carrots, and cereal bars(thanks Beege and Linnea! ;))

I've danced with you since you were wee, and now you ADORE dancing. You are so much like me, dancing with a big old smile on your face. I love that you do everything with such enthusiasm and I hop you always will.

You are becoming quite vocal. You say "dadada" ALL the time, and you attempt "mama" but it comes out sounding more like "bababa". Your official first word, which you use all the time in context is "Uh-OH". It's very cute.

You aren't terribly interested in walking yet, but we're not worried. You were slow to crawl as well, with the army crawl being your preference for well into your eighth month. You love to walk around with your little ice cream truck walking and riding toy and it is such good practice. We'll wait until you're ready and we'll continue to enjoy every moment as you grow and learn to be you.

We love you, sweet boy.

2005-12-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

Who are YOU?

Thursday Thirteen

2005-12-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

Thirteen Things about CYN
1. What is UP with this weather? The shop usually doesn't slow down until after Christmas, but now it's like everyone is afraid to leave their house for fear of snow! PLEASE leave your house! I have coffee. And home made cookies. And lots of pretty clothes!

2. Connor's first birthday is in TWO days! And his big boy Cowboy party is Sunday. I'll be sure to post lots of pictures.

3. I am starting to muffin top over the top of my jeans. Must diet. NOW. And no more excuses for not working out at LEAST three times a week.

4. I know I just talked about dieting, but I'm having a hard time trying to pretend this bottle of water is anywhere NEAR as good as my coveted Peppermint Mocha. I'll allow myself one on Saturday. Not long now!

5. I need to wrap some Christmas presents tonight. With Baby C's birthday being so close to Christmas, it is WAY hard to get everything done.

6. I need a haircut. My bangs are cut to kind of swoop over to the side and the moment they get a little to long I feel like a shaggy dog. It's like they are fine one day and way too long the next. Does that happen overnight or what?

7. I miss my little boy. It's getting really hard to leave him at the sitter each day. He's growing into his personality in such a big way. He's such a happy little ray of sunshine. Have I mentioned that I think I'll keep him around?

8. LOTS of customers suddenly! WooHoo!

9. Damon and I are going on a date tomorrow night. We're finishing up our Christmas shopping and then going out for dinner. And wine, I just decided.

10. Though I am NOT a huge fan of Mariah Carey, I love the song "All I Want For Christmas Is You". It reminds me of being pregnant last year, and listening to the song, thinking of Connor.

11. I also LOVE The Christmas Song by Dave Matthews Band because it tells the story of Christ being born beautifully.

12. I was re-reading SARK's Eat Mangoes Naked last night, and there were some things I wanted to blog about. Drama and death - as two seperate entities, thankyouverymuch. (This is pretty much just a note to self).

13. I also have a HILARIOUS drunken episode of Timmy Of The Famed Drunk Episodes to tell. But I fear I will offend. Or that Connor will read this some day and be horrified. So I'll have to hash that one out and see what happens. But trust me, the story is SO worth telling.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Cyn - 3, Starbucks - 0

2005-12-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

It is Wednesday and I have yet to succomb to the siren call of my beloved Peppermint Mocha. My waistline is thanking me, although not for long if I keep eating cookies all the livelong day.

I'm ready for January 1. I suck at temptation.

Great Company!

2005-12-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

I certainly can't think of anyone I'd rather spend time with!

Connor and I are playing hooky today. I woke up this morning a little tired and scratchy-throated. Connor has been a little off all weekend - runny nose and a little cough - so I thought it was a good day to stay home, eat soup, drink Sprite, and watch tv. And play. And giggle. And dance. And stay in our pajamas all day. But I have got to stay away from the plates of cookies on our kitchen counter. Bad, bad cookies!

Connor went to see Santa this weekend. He didn't cry - in fact he didn't seem to think much of the whole experience one way or another. I liked this picture of him in his elf hat. What a dollbaby. I can't even believe that he'll be ONE YEAR OLD in five days. WHERE has that time gone?

Holiday Baking

2005-12-11T12:20:00.000-08:00

As usual, the moment I begin an extensive holiday project, everyone in my household conveniently falls asleep or disappears. Maybe I'm not the Little Miss Sunshine I think I am. Baking DOES make me grouchy. Perhaps I should work on that.

Actually I'm having a pretty fun day. So far I've made candy cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and framed the gingerbread house. I've still got to do the monster cookies, sugar cookies, and peanut butter cookies. It could be a long night.

Oh, and Marybeth, here's the recipe for those monster cookies, courtesy of Grandma Pat.

Monster Cookies (enough to feed the neighborhood)

12 eggs

2 lbs brown sugar

4 cups white sugar

1 tbsp vanilla

8 tsp baking soda

1 tbsp salt

1 lb butter

3 lbs peanut butter

18 cups quick oatmeal

1 lb m&ms

1 lb chocolate chips

In a LARGE bowl, mix ingredients in the order given. Place on a greased cookie sheet using an ice cream scoop. Flatten out a bit. Place only 6 cookies on a sheet. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.

The Committee

2005-12-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

13 years of frolic, debauchery, and shenanigans.

Traditions

2005-11-29T17:23:00.000-08:00

First off, let me just say that we do not have a tradition of decorating a Christmas Tree with beer cans, although I kind of wish we did. We'll leave that for Connor and his friends after he turns 21.

We're in kind of a weird place with holiday traditions. I had quite a few with my mom and dad, but a lot of those are bittersweet now that dad is gone. And Damon, unfortunately, didn't have enough stability to establish many traditions.

So here is our list of new holiday traditions. A work in progress, if you will.

1. Thanksgiving is at our house. My mom is in charge of the turkey and I do all the sides. Damon, who watched my dad make the gravy one year and did an amazing job of duplicating it this year is now officialy in charge of gravy. The evening is spent drinking Kahlua and Cream or wine if you prefer and playing board games.

2. The day after Thanksgiving is a girls only day in Chicago. I HOPE I have a daughter, if only to continue this one. We had so much fun this year, it would be a shame not to repeat it every year henceforth.

3. Connor will always have a birthday party, even though his birthday is eight days before Christmas. I will never do that combining birthday and Christmas thing. How unfair.

4. Damon's grandma emailed me some of her cookie recipes so I will be making them every year. Those are the one thing that seem to be sentimental to him about Christmas. I can't wait to make them, especially the monster cookies!

5. We're parking our bums at home on New Year's Eve from here on out. Actually, even when we were kid free, we have never been big on going out for New Year's Eve. The only thing that could even tempt me would be a gown wearing occasion. I love playing dress up!

6. Christmas Eve will be spent at my mom's house (she should be moved in a few weeks!) and Christmas will be at our house - formal with china in the dining room. Christmas morning will be just me, Damon, and Connor.

I've been feeling a little bah humbug about Christmas this year, I don't know why. I normally love the holidays. I think it's yet another case of Too Much On The Plate. This little list has done me a bit of good though. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally go to the basement and bring up the decorations. Or hey, beer cans will do in a pinch!

Random Musings

2005-11-27T18:45:00.000-08:00

The holiday weekend was great, if, as is the norm lately, packed a bit more full than I would have liked. I find myself utterly exhausted this evening.

Thanksgiving was still a bit hard for me. It didn't quite feel natural and fun. I felt my dad's absence really keenly, same as last year. This has been the hardest holiday for me, for some reason. Suckiness.

My mother-in-law bailed on our trip TO Chicago to SEE "Chicago" the Broadway Musical. My friend Laura graciously agreed to take her spot. So Laura, my mom and I headed to Chicago on Friday for a day of shopping, cocktails, dinner, and the show. And LOTS of giggling. We stayed at the very swanky Hotel Allegro, conveniently located next to the Cadillac Palace Theater, where "Chicago" was played.

As much as I adore the movie and music from "Chicago", I was not entirely impressed with the musical. I think my main issue was that I so love Catherine Zeta Jones as Velma that I could not possible have enjoyed anyone else in the role. Paige Davis from "Trading Spaces" actually did a BETTER job than Renee Zellweger as Roxie Hart. I would give my right arm to play that role. It looks like so much FUN! And, hilariously enough, Tom Wopat, better known as Luke Duke played Billy Flynn. He was pretty good!

Finally, and this is why I'm all rambling and spacy. Something is up with my body. I've had my period for two weeks out of the past month, I'm feeling really hormonal and weird, and my BOOBS hurt like they did when I was pregnant. And I DEFINITELY DON'T think I'm pregnant. I would go so far as to say that is highly unlikely. And that bothers me, because I'm left wondering what the heck is going on with my body. I don't know if stress is causing all this craziness, but I'm making a concious effort to chill out a bit. I don't like feeling so weird. I've definitely been burning the candle at both ends, maybe my body is trying to tell me to slow down. I did make an appointment with my midwife for Friday morning. I'm sure I'll feel a lot better after I see her.

Finally, to sign off on a positive note, the photo above is of me, mom, and LaLa with one of Chicago's finest Friday morning. Or reason number 287 why we love Firemen.